Series I stopped watching

Warning: Contains mild spoilers. 

I have watched quite a bit of series. Some of them I stopped watching in mid-season. I don't like to stop watching something, as I don`t like stop reading something. Not only do I then not know how it will end - which in some cases really doesn`t matter that much - but my inner demon tells me that then everything before will be wasted time, and who wants to waste time, right? Nonetheless, there is some stuff I didn't finish, and now I will take the time to tell you why, and you may stop reading anytime and consider what you've read up to this point as wasted time. I also chronicle the series I finished watching. I use the following formula: 

 

The title of the show

Seasons: How many seasons there are at the point of writing.

Watched: How far did I get? This obviously colors how deep my critique can go, so handle with care. 

Elevator pitch: What is the show about, in two or three sentences.

Main draws: What is good about the show. A few high points, as they appealed to me. This needs to be graded on a curve; bad shows obviously have very minor points here.

Main problems: What is bad about the show. This needs to be graded on a curve; good shows obviously have very minor points here.

Would try picking up again: Would I try and finish the series? And if not, why?

Rating: I'm giving a rating between 1 and 5, with half-points in between. 1 is absolute garbage, 5 is absolutely stellar. 3 is basically watchable without pain, but nothing special.

Natural fit for Netflix for obvious reasons.

13 Reasons Why (2017-2020)

Seasons: 4

Watched: The first two episodes

Elevator pitch: This adaptation of the famous YA novel of the same name relies on the premise that a young girl commits suicice, leaving a trail of bread crumbs in form of casette tapes that contain awkward information and secrets of everyone that knew her, allowing to reconstruct who she was and why she committed suicide.

Main draws: An engaging plot. Revealing screts. Plot twists.

Main problems: Glorifying suicide. Making suicide into a mystery box to be unlocked. Mediocre writing, production values and acting. Four seasons for material that barely suffices for one.

Would try picking up again: Never ever.

Rating: 2,5

Scoring 10 of 10 on the mediocre-o-meter.

Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (2013-2020)

Seasons: 7

Watched: The first three episodes

Elevator pitch: Audience favorite Agent Phil Coulson is back after his death in "The Avengers" and assembles a team of C-Listers to fight other C-Listers. It was the first Marvel TV series and therefore a huge thing when it came out. It also paralleled the story of the movies and provided additional background.

Main draws: It's Marvel. Phil Coulson.

Main problems: The budget didn't allow for the movie tie-in the Disney shows would provide. The same problem also leads to inconsequential storylines and a divergence between the two timelines. Its writing and characters as well as acting are mediocre. 

Would try picking up again: No, this thing is an artifact and only of interest to historians.

Rating: 3

 

Imitating Michelangelo does not score points with this script. 

 

Altered Carbon (2018-2020)

Seasons: 2

Watched: The first 30 minutes.

Elevator pitch: In the future, your memories can be preserved and theoretically, this allows you to live forever. However, the market economy lead to a few hyper rich people monopolizing the tech and creating all kind of problems that now need to be tackled by some heroic protagonists.

Main draws: James Purefoy is in this. It was hyped massively by Netflix at the time. In theory a take on class and economy.

Main problems: Bad writing, really bad acting, completely generic execution.

Would try picking up again: No, no, no. 

Rating: 1,5

 

Look, a diverse cast telling you they really thought hard about it for two minutes.

Around the world in 80 days (2021)

Seasons: 1

Watched: The first 30 minutes

Elevator pitch: The classical Jules Verne saga is retold with a diverse cast and an update for modern sensibilities while keeping the Victorian setting.

Main draws: It's that thing you know, but with modern asthetics. "Strong female character".

Main problems: Bad writing. Bad characters. Absolutely incoherent setting. Cheapest possible pandering to the audience. Infuriatingly bland in its avoidance of any relevant issue.

Would try picking up again: Fuck no.

Rating: 1,5

Totally not Batman.

Arrow (2012-2020)

Seasons: 8

Watched: The first ten minutes.

Elevator pitch: Batman, but with bow and arrows. Hawkeye, but without the Avengers. 

Main draws: Fuck if I know.

Main problems: Incredibly cliched. Dumb dialogue. Bad acting.

Would try picking up again: God no.

Rating: 1,5

Never has saving the world be that joyful. 

Avatar - The Last Airbender (2005-2008)

Seasons: 3

Watched: The first four episodes.

Elevator pitch: In a world dominated by the four elements, the balance has come out of whack. It's up to a chosen one to rescue the world with a group of sidekick friends against an evil empire, but said chosen one is a kid with all the sensibilities of one.

Main draws: Great character relationships. Good worldbuilding. Deepening of themes. From what I hear it grows into a really good epic tale.

Main problems: The silly humor. It's Anime, and I don't like Anime.

Would try picking up again: Maybe? I'd need a good reason, though. Anime just isn't for me.

Rating: 4

 

Sorry, these stories don't get better if you make the hero female. 

Away (2020)

Seasons: 1

Watched:The first 24 minutes

Elevator pitch: We follow the first international crew that goes to Mars, consisting of an American, a Russian, a Brit, an Indian and a Chinese. They all carry personal baggage and are in various stages of being unfit for the mission at hand. Drama ensues. 

Main draws: It's a show about space travel. In theory there's the message of uniting humanity. 

Main problems: Dumb as a bag of hammers. The characters are so grossly incompetent it beggars belief. The mission is used to iron out some personal beef characters have with each other and provide opportunities for growth (in-universe, that is). Did I mention it's fucking, insultingly dumb? The acting is also subpar, the writing is bad, it looks shitty. 

Would try picking up again: I'm giving you a side-eye right now. I'll never get back those 24 minutes of my life or the brain cells lost in the process.

Rating: 1

Never ask them what happened to Babylon 1-4.

Babylon 5 (1993-1998)

Seasons: 5, and six movies

Watched: The pilot

Elevator pitch: In the future, there is a gigantic space station called Babylon 5 where humanity and several alien races meet and conduct politics, intrigue, trade and diplomacy. 

Main draws: Incredibly intricate plotting (most of the show was thought out before the first episode was produced). Great complexity of its characters and politics.

Main problems:The budget didn't allow for good make-up and CGI, which makes it incredibly hard to watch nowaways. It's difficult to get into since you aren't exactly eased into it.

Would try picking up again: I don't think so, because the series is just too old and I feel I could never do it justice.

Rating: 4,5 (based on what I hear, mostly)

 

It's about Weimar Germany! You can tell by the fashion.

Babylon Berlin (2017-present)

Seasons: 5

Watched: The pilot

Elevator pitch: We are in Weimar Germany and follow a cop in the "Abteilung Sitte", trying to solve cases involving sex crimes (what passed for them in Weimar) and dealing with his wartime PTSD. At the same time, an aspiring woman tries to overcome the inherent sexism of society by solving murder cases. The two get drawn into conspiracies like the "Black Reichswehr" scandal based on historical events.

Main draws: The setting. The versimilitude. The topical themes. 

Main problems: Very generic and cliched writing. Volker Bruch is a very problematic actor, to say the least.

Would try picking up again: Unlikely. 

Rating: 3

This was really scary when I was a kid.

Batman The Animated Series (1992-1995)

Seasons: 2

Watched: The first three episodes, and some stuff back when I was a kid.

Elevator pitch: This series was based on the vision of Batman we got in the 1989 movie, and it was a smashing success because it managed to be artistically relevant (with its depiction of Gotham as a 1920s style moloch) and written in a way that it can be enjoyed by both adults and kids.

Main draws: Great writing. Great voice acting (including Mark Hamill as the Joker). Good plots.

Main problems: Still mostly a kid's show.

Would try picking up again: Yes, with my kids when they're old enough and if they're interested.

Rating: 4,5

 

Pictured: neither mirrors nor blackness.

Black Mirror (2011-present)

Seasons: 6

Watched: The first two seasons and some episodes, also "Bandersnatch"

Elevator pitch: Anthology series based on "The Twilight Zone". Individual episodes explore a diversity of genres, but most are set in near-future dystopias with science fiction technology—a type of speculative fiction. The series is based on The Twilight Zone and uses technology to comment on contemporary social issues.

Main draws: Some episodes have really clever conundrums and scenarios and are exploring them with metaphorical film language that gives you something to think about.

Main problems: Some episodes are decidedly silly.

Would try picking up again: In theory yes, I mainly stopped because it's not a very bingeable show and it didn't get me enough to get in again, especially since it's really hit-and-miss.

Rating: 3

 

 

You won't guess what his secret heritage is.

Blood of Zeus (2020-present)

Seasons: 2

Watched: The first two episodes

Elevator pitch: In ancient Greece, monsters are overrunning the countryside. A muscular young man, shunned by the community, discovers his destiny to do great deeds because he is the blood of Zeus. Gods and demons get involved, there Amazons and a lot of other stuff.

Main draws: The setting always slaps. The idea of the demons is pretty cool.

Main problems: It's "exposition the show". The animation is atrocious. I found it pretty boring.

Would try picking up again: Maybe? If one can make a point that it gets better.

Rating: 2,5

  

Orlando Bloom, desperate to find relevance again.

Carnival Row (2019-2023)

Seasons: 2

Watched: The first 15 minutes

Elevator pitch: In a Victorian setting, magic is real and mythical creatures needed to flee to our world to escape some greater conflagration. At the heart of the show is a murder mystery to be solved.

Main draws: The fantasy setting. Orlando Bloom.

Main problems: Compares badly to "Blight", and that's saying something. Trying to sell me the main character as a policeman willing to enact wanton violence against suspects to make him the hero.

Would try picking up again: I don't have the feeling this improves later on, but if it does, tell me.

Rating: 2

 

It's a community college and an actual community of people. It's deep.

Community (2009-2015)

Seasons: 6

Watched: Eight episodes

Elevator pitch: A lawyer never had a degree and needs to go to community college to get one. The college in question is pretty bad and filled with an array of misfits, some of whom he befriends beside himself.

Main draws: Very good structure of the episodes, there's a whole video about it. Very recognizable characters. Very big field of topics. Oftentimes interesting topics.

Main problems: The humor can rely very much on sociopathic tendencies and toxic behavior. Reinforces some harmful stereotypes.

Would try picking up again: Despite this being a really good comedy show, it just demonstrates to me that this isn't my genre, so no.

Rating: 4

Bonus points for style in any case.

Cowboy Beebop (2021)

Seasons: 1

Watched: The pilot

Elevator pitch: In a noir future setting, men and women of doubtful morality but with a heart of gold try to make their way as mercenaries for hire between different factions and shifting alliances.

Main draws: Full of badassery and sassy dialogues. The style of the show is great. 

Main problems: Incredibly silly. Dumb dialogues. Didn't catch me at all.

Would try picking up again: Not likely.

Rating: 3

 

They forgot to mention "tits" in the teaser.

Damnation (2017-2018)

Seasons: 1

Watched: The pilot

Elevator pitch: In Dustbowl America, evil bankers are terrorizing farmers who just want to make a living. The latter are edged on by a guy masquerading as a priest who's a secret revolutionary, while the former are supported by his older brother, who really likes to murder people. 

Main draws: Gritty violence. Lots of sex if you're into that. Politics driving the action.

Main problem: Way too much reliance on sex and violence. The plot is moving at a frantic pace.

Would try picking up again: Nope. I've forgotten that this exists three times now at least, which is not  a good sign.

Rating: 2,5 

The OG of Netflix' Marvel run.

Daredevil (2015-2018)

Seasons: 3

Watched: Two seasons

Elevator pitch: A blind attorney has the secret power of ultrasound sight and fights crime at night. In his dayjob, he defends the downtrodden and fights those in power. He also seems to never needing to sleep.  

Main draws: The fight scenes and fight choreografy. It's better than the 2003 movie. Joe Bernathal is good as the Punisher.

Main problems: It's not incredibly coherent. Starts getting repetitive.

Would try picking up again: Just not worth it.

Rating: 3,5

 

You can see how dark the winds are by the color filter.

Dark Winds (2022)

Seasons: 1

Watched: The first 20 minutes or so.

Elevator pitch: Crime thriller set in a 1970s Najavo reservation with Navajo main characters.

Main draws: The setting and the diverse cast. Lots of potential.

Main problems: Uninteresting characters. Unenticing mystery. Some generic writing.

Would try picking up again: Yes.

Rating: 3

 

Totally High-Schoolers.

Dawson's Creek (1998-2003)

Seasons: 6

Watched: The first two seasons and some episodes

Elevator pitch: Mid-Twenty-something actors portray highschoolers and the drama that they face in a stable economy and privileged position in healthy small-town America. 

Main draws: There wasn't a lot of competition in the late 1990s. It was one of the first shows of its genre.

Main problems: The usual ones: Unrealistic characters. Bad casting. Forced plots.

Would try picking up again: No, it's a cultural artifact, nothing more.

Rating: 2

 

Desperate for vierwers, one hopes.

Desperate Houswives (2004-2012)

Seasons: 8

Watched: The first two episodes

Elevator pitch: Four housewives are desperate to solve the mystery of the suicide of one of their friends and to solve various issues they have with their marriages while becoming more independent and "strong female characters".

Main draws: At the time, it was considered progressive, I guess.

Main problems: I didn't find anything that grabbed me. It was okay overall, but never rose above it.

Would try picking up again: If you pay me.

Rating: 3

 

He looks as bored as I am.

Dexter (2006-2013, 2020-2021)

Seasons: 8

Watched: Two-and-a-half seasons

Elevator pitch: A specialist for blood analysis at the police is secretly a serial killer. The thing is: he only kills guilty people. He also has some issues that he's trying to work out and needs to keep his secret identity secret.

Main draws: Interesting premise. Jimmy Smits.

Main problems: Lack of cohesion; the characters' actions are plot driven, not character driven. No regard for realism in terms of money or job limitations. Lacking character motivations. 

Would try picking up again: Nope

Rating: 3

 

After taking this picture, everyone went back to the social class they belonged to.

Downton Abbey (2010-2015)

Seasons: 6

Watched: Three seasons

Elevator pitch: In an English manor in the 1910s and 1920s, we follow the fate of an aristocratic family and the myriad of stuff keeping them from dying because of their lack of everyday competency. Historical events make themselves known, and societal change plays a role in the vein of "Mad Men". 

Main draws: Good production values. Great versimilitude. Interesting period. Occasionally engaging plots and character relations.

Main problems: The glorification of English social class structure is hard to stomache. It's very shallow by design.

Would try picking up again: No. This is a guilty pleasure, much like McDonalds, and leaves you equally oversaturated, swollen and slightly disgusted at yourself.

Rating: 3,5

 

I'm officially starting the culture war of whether it's better than the Simpsons. 

Futurama (1999-2003, 2008-2013)

Seasons: 7

Watched: Three seasons

Elevator pitch: In a thousand years, humanity has made contact with alien races, conducts space travels and built sentient robots, but life really hasn't changed from 1999. We follow an idiot in the service sector, a capable woman constantly set back by sexism and a nihilistic robot-bro. 

Main draws: Great humor. Memorable characters. Biting social commentary. Instantly memeworthy.

Main problems: Occasional missteps. Some gags or plotlines didn't age well.

Would try picking up again: In theory yes, but I'm just not much of a comedy guy and these shows are not made for binging which makes getting up to speed difficult.

Rating: 4

 

In really small letters on the pavement.

Goliath (2016-2021)

Seasons: 4

Watched: First 15 minutes.

Elevator pitch: A brillant lawyer has fallen on hard times. He has to get his shit together to practice law for the downtrodden and to stick it to the man, all the while being mired in self-pity, drinking a lot of booze and chainsmoking.

Main draws: Billy Bob Thornton. Tried and tested formula.

Main problems: Very cliched. Waste of Billy Bob Thornton. Bad dialogue.

Would try picking up again: No reason, there are enough bad series out there.

Rating: 2

 

"Let's all look naturally. Act, like in the show!"

Gossip Girl (2007-2012)

Seasons: 6

Watched: About half of the pilot

Elevator pitch:  Incredibly rich kids at an elite high school have nothing else to do than to obsess over the identity of the mysterious Gossip Girl who seems to know every dirty and inconsequential secret a teenager could have and happily shares it over what today would be Social Media. Everyone is looking extreme beautiful and carries the newest fashion.

Main draws: Great costume design. A lot of gossip.

Main problems: It's a show about spoiled rich kids, as if they didn't get enough attention already. Cringeworthy dialogue. Flat character. Extremely irritating voice-over.

Would try picking up again: No, no, no.

Rating: 2

People. Looking at you.

Gotham (2014-2019)

Seasons: 5

Watched: The first ten minutes

Elevator pitch: This serves as a prequel to the Batman mythos, introducing all your favorite super villains as kids or teenagers, as well as a young and spritly Detective Gordon and a moody kid named Bruce Wayne.

Main draws: It's a Batman prequel. The asthetics are ok.

Main problems: The whole premise is totally gratuituous. Jim Gordon has no relation to the character of the same name in this show, effectively.

Would try picking up agaign: No lack of mediocre superhero shows out there.

Rating: 2

It's your favorite presidential candidate from 2016!

Gutsy (2022)

Seasons: 1

Watched: The first twenty minutes of the first and the first ten minutes of the second episode

Elevator pitch: Hillary and Chelsea Clinton are gutsy women, and as such they're uniquely positioned to meet other gutsy women and talk to them, exploring how difficult it is to make it as a woman even in this progressive day and age.

Main draws: The Clintons are in it. The topic is very relevant. Good selection of sub-topics and guests. 

Main problems: The Clintons are in it. The whole structure rests a lot on the charisma of the Clintons, which...is spotty. The cuts are fast and furious, so no clear point can be made and discussion followed.

Would try picking up agaign: It wasn't my cup of tea.

Rating: 3,5

 

His face is him looking at the script.

Hannibal (2013-2015)

Seasons: 3

Watched: Everything but the last five episodes

Elevator pitch: We explore Hannibal Lecter's life before the novels (and they're movie adaptations). He is a practicing psychiatrist with some eccentric tastes. There's lots of body horror involved. Our main character is a police psychiatric expert who becomes best friends of sorts with Lecter.

Main draws: Mads Mikkelsen. The body horror is visually stunning. The different ways with which Hannibal's killings are staged is great. 

Main problems: Hugh Dancy. The plot makes no sense at all. The acting of a lot of characters is pretty bad. All characters are criminally under-written.

Would try picking up again: Don't think so. My completionist instincts dies with my spare time.

Rating: 3

 

A subtle gag on their T-shirts, I'm sure you didn't notice.

Harley Quinn (2019-present)

Seasons: 4

Watched: Season 1.

Elevator pitch: What if Suicide Squad, but as a sitcom? This cartoon series revolves around Harley getting into all kinds of whacky situations, but most of them involve comic-book stuff and are incredibly bloody.

Main draws: Occasionally sharp humor. Very woke. Refreshing disrespect of everything.

Main problems: Very woke. Not all gags land. The violence quickly wears itself out.

Would try picking up again: No.

Rating: 3

Created by Tim Kring, as it never fails to remind you.

Heroes (2006-2010)

Seasons: 4

Watched: Two seasons and two episodes

Elevator pitch: For no clear reason, ordinary people are getting superpowers. Some of them use them for good, some for bad, some not at all. It becomes clear that one specific villain becomes a danger to everyone and threatens to destroy the world if a certain cheerleader isn't saved. 

Main draws: In 2006, the antics of the Japanese characters were considered charming. Back then, the "making shit up as we go approach" was still fresh.

Main problems: The Japanese characters are racist caricatures. The plot is made up as they go and makes no real sense. Everyone is looking intense all the time and stating facts from the plot learned so far, new exposition or mission statements. The plot begins to rely on time travel and different dimensions. I could go on.

Would try picking up again: Hell no, this is an artifact from a time in which such things were considered to be peak television instead of the trash of the week that Netflix puts out.

Rating: 2,5

We're old enough now for this to be really nostalgic.

High Score (2020)

Seasons: 1

Watched: Three episodes

Elevator pitch: The documentary highlights the history of video games. Each episode delves into one genre, console or other milestone and highlights it with a personal interest story from a contemporary around at the time. 

Main draws: Strong interest in the community aspect of gaming. Leaving the well-trodden paths, subject-wise. Little competition in the field.

Main problems: Some strange subject decisions. Too focused on very specific things instead of giving a broader overview, thereby requiring a lot of prior knowledge or be left hanging a bit.

Would try picking up again: No, didn't catch me the first time, no reason it will later.

Rating: 3

 

He was a lot better in Band of Brothers.

Homeland (2011-2020)

Seasons: 8

Watched: The first season

Elevator pitch: An American elite soldier is rescued from captivity. Could he be the Islamic double-agent, converted by his erst-while tortures, who is out there trying to assassinate the president? A CIA agent tries to find out, but finds herself drawn to this strange man.

Main draws: Damian Lewis and Claire Danes. Interesting premise.

Main problems: The usual thing with this genre: it just needs to add twist after twist to stay relevant and drive the plot, losing coherence in the process. "They want to kill the president!" is literally the most uninteresting threat the genre can provide by now.

Would try picking up again: No. I wrote about it in detail, check it out here.

Rating: 3

  

When a political drama gets bloody, something's deeply wrong.

House of Cards (2013-2018)

Seasons: 6

Watched: The first season

Elevator pitch: 

Main draws: Kevin Spacey. Breaking of the Fourth Wall by the main character. Cynical jokes about politics. An interesting character twist. The main character is a gamer.

Main problems: Kevin Spacey. Breaking of the Fourth Wall by the main character. Cynical jokes about politics. Dumb plots. Really dumb character development. Unbelievable twists.

Would try picking up again: No way. I hate the nihilism. Back at the time, I wrote about the first season in detail.

Rating: 3

 

Boy, don't I care. Or anyone else. You figuratively tacked on a resolution at the end.

How I met your mother (2005-2014)

Seasons: 9

Watched: One season

Elevator pitch: Comedy series. The premise is that a father tells a nine-season-long story about how he met his wife to his kids. They are interested in the antics for the whole period of time. Lots of comedy ensues. 

Main draws: Neill Patrick Harris.

Main problems: A lot of it didn't age well. It's a comedy series, and I just don't like those. It's okay if you're into that kind of stuff I guess.

Would try picking up again: No.

Rating: 3,5

The goggles are ridiculous, sorry.

Incinvible (2021-present)

Seasons: 2

Watched: Once

Elevator pitch: What if Superman was evil, but had a family? We follow the young "Invincible" as he need to comes to grips with the fact that his father is not the hero he thought he was. The problem is that his father really is invincible, so what to do?

Main draws: Almost ridiculous levels of violence in a show drawn like a kid's cartoon. Sometimes good depictions of teenage live.

Main problems: Worn-out premise. Sometimes drawn-out plots. Characters often do stupid shit to drive the plot.

Would try picking up again: No. 

Rating: 3,5 

 

Tom Clancy's got little to with it, being dead for five years and all.

Jack Ryan (2018-2023)

Seasons: 4

Watched: The first season and the first episode of season 2.

Elevator pitch: CIA analyst Jack Ryan gets sucked into global terrorist conspiracies and helps solve them with his incredible analyzing skills and a natural talent for violence. 

Main draws: Great catch of the self-seriousness of the setting (which is bonkers). Has enough suspense and excitement. Essentially gives you the good-guy-version of the War on Terror.

Main problems: Cardboard characters. Large plot holes. Essentially gives you the good-guy-version of the War on Terror. The quality markedly drops in season 2.

Would try picking up again: Yes, in theory.

Rating: 3,5 (season 1), 2 (season 2)

The look on their faces when they first saw the script.

Jericho (2006-2008)

Seasons: 2

Watched: 16 episodes (of 29)

Elevator pitch: "The Day After", but as a series. A Midwestern small town sees a nuclear bomb going off in the distance. The townspeople need to figure out how to survive the breakdown of cilization.

Main draws: Great premise.

Main problems: The cleanest apocalypse since "Postman"; no one ever gets dirty. Heavy reliance on an overengineered conspiracy plot. Dumb characters. Dumb motivations.

Would try picking up again: Hell no. It's a great example of why studios shouldn't always listen to rabid fan bases in bringing stuff back they decided to cancel for good reasons.

Rating: 2

Lips to make Angelina Jolie envious.

Jessica Jones (2015-2019)

Seasons: 3

Watched: One season

Elevator pitch: Running parallel and in the same universe as "Daredevil", Jessica Jones is a young women who has super strength working as a private eye. She grapples with her abuse by a super villain who just so happens to come back and threaten her and her friends.

Main draws: Krysten Ritter is pretty good and a waste here. Great premise of the main theme being surviving assault and abuse.

Main problems: Really bad execution of the premise which has really problematic implications. The plot isn't very good. The villain is overacted.

Would try picking up again: No, enough mediocrity to go around.

Rating: 3

There's an obvious joke applying the title to the series but it's not actually bad.

Kevin can go f**k himself (2021-2022)

Seasons: 2

Watched: Two episodes

Elevator pitch: When perennial loser and slacker Kevin is in the picture, the show is a sitcom, complete with the 4:3 aspect ratio and laughter tracks, whereas with his wife (who is the real main character) it's drama in 16:9 and muted colors. The story concentrates on her being trapped in classical gender roles and class strucutres. 

Main draws: The premise is absolutely fantastic. The visuals of it really sell what it's trying to do.

Main problems: The balance between the two modes is off. Kevin and his pals are just too obnoxious. The jokes are too pointed to really land. 

Would try picking up again: If you convinced me it improves, maybe.

Rating: 3

 

The license was very cheap.

Krypton (2018-2019)

Seasons: 2

Watched: The first ten minutes

Elevator pitch: This series explores the background of Superman's ancestral home and his clan of El. We see political intrigue and infights with people sporting the sigil we know and love.

Main draws: The scenes on Krypton were practically the best part of "Man of Steel", so more is welcome.

Main problems: Low production values. Really bad CGI. Uncharismatic leads. Very bad dialogue. Very forced badassery.

Would try picking up again: No. All of it reeks like "15-year-olds may find it cool", and I'm decidedly not that target demographic.

Rating: 1,5

 

Looks like the 90s. Cheap and without taste.

Las Vegas (2003-2008)

Seasons: 5

Watched: The pilot

Elevator pitch: Comedy drama about the owner and employees of a Las Vegas casino getting into various problems. Plot and hilarity ensue.

Main draws: If you like Las Vegas, the setting.

Main problems: Uninteresting characters. Uninteresting plots.

Would try picking up again: I can't remember anything about it, and given its age, I doubt there's something there.

Rating: 2

 

Two people looking determined, and one puppy.

Line of Duty (2012-present)

Seasons: 6

Watched: The first half of the pilot

Elevator pitch: In this very British cop drama, we get people in the internal affairs division of the police investigating other cops.

Main draws: Internal affairs is an interesting setting. Very British.

Main problems: Uninteresting actors. Generic execution of the setting. Generic dialogue. Generic style.

Would try picking up again: Unlikely. I hear good things, but I doubt this is for me.

Rating: 3

 

Searching for the key to good screenwriting.

Locke&Key (2020-2022)

Seasons: 3

Watched: One season and the first half of the first episode of season 2

Elevator pitch: Based on the graphic novels of the same name. After the murder of their father, the mother and three kids move in the old ancestral family home on the east coast. It soon becomes clear that the house was abandoned by the father for a reason as the kids find strange keys that unlock magical powers.

Main draws: Great source material.

Main problems: Nonsensical plot changes, all for the worse. Problems in visualizing the keys and their effects. Making the well lady not scary in the slightest. Missing almost all of the charme of the original cast. Introducing a whole set of characters, subplots and characterstics that are just not good.

Would try picking up again: No.

Rating: 2

Har har har so much money for Disney har har.

Loki (2021-present)

Seasons: 2

Watched: Season 1

Elevator pitch: The Loki that escaped in "Avengers Endgame" is caught by the timekeepers who want to kill him, but he talks them into letting them help him solve a difficult problem. In the process, Loki teams up with an alternate, female version of him and tries to learn what's important in life.

Main draws: Tom Hiddleston. An attempt at giving their protagonist a character arc for once. Sassy banter with female Loki.

Main problems: Arbitrary plotting. Mediocre setting. Low stakes. Hokey CGI. Less than the sum of its parts.

Would watch again: No.

Rating: 2,5

Strong man in search for a strong script.

Luke Cage (2016-2018)

Seasons: 2

Watched: Eight episodes

Elevator pitch: Luke Cage is the third Marvel series on Netflix. Following a cross-over in "Jessica Jones", Luke Cage now takes center-stage. The setting is Harlem, where Luke interacts with a series of black and white villains.

Main draws: Harlem as a setting is strong and well set. The plot is grounded enough not to overreach. The main character is foundational solid. The first villain is good.

Main problems: There is a second villain that is totally over the top. The show unravels in the second half of the first season, becoming more ludicruous by the episode.

Would try picking up again: If I were to prepare a lecture on why the 13-episodes-Netflix format was a mistake, maybe.

Rating: 2,5

 

He's the most inconspicuous thief ever encountered.

Lupin (2021-2023)

Seasons: 3

Watched: Once

Elevator pitch: Inspired by the Lupin novels, a black French gentleman master thief engages in a series of complicated heists that follow their own purpose.

Main draws: Update of the source material for the 21st century. Omar Sy is incredible as the main character since it makes no sense yet it works. A lot of charm.

Main problems: The plot quickly starts to make little sense. The idea of tying everything together via a conspiracy plot is incredibly ill-adviced. The character arcs aren't able to carry the series at all. Character relations become arbitrary.

Would watch again: No.

Rating: 3,5 (season 1), 2,5 (season 2)

 

 

Very uneasy with the ethical implications of this series to be honest. 

Making a Murderer (2015-2018)

Seasons: 2

Watched: One season.

Elevator pitch: Docu-drama in which a man is unjustly incarcerated. After being exonerated, only weeks after his release, he is arrested, accused of a murder and sentenced to life in prison. The defense (and the series) is convinced that he was framed by law enforcement angry about their humiliation in the earlier conviction. 

Main draws: Very competently made. Creates a strong sense of character for all people involved. Makes you care deeply. Very sympathetic portrayal of the down-on-their-luck family.

Main problems: Very one-sided, with a clear agenda. Extremely unfavorable towards the law enforcement side of things. Pretends the case is much clearer than it is.

Would try picking up again: No.

Rating: 2,5

Whoever killed Lincoln, and what happened to him? A mystery.

Manhunt (2024)

Seasons: 1

Watched: The pilot

Elevator pitch: Following the Lincoln assassination, John Wilkes Booth tried to flee for 12 days and was hunted by the titular manhunt. This is the story of his flight and Edwin Stanton's manhunt for him.

Main draws: Tobias Menzies. Some good performances. Great eye for period detail.

Main problems: Very dull. No way the premise carries seven episodes.

Would try picking up again: No.

Rating: 3

 

Rorchach tests may hide an actual lack of depth. 

Mindunter (2017-2019)

Seasons: 2

Watched: One season

Elevator pitch: In the 1970s, two outsiders at the FBI have the wild idea that psychological profiling might help catch criminals. They try their theory with some of the worst murderers possible to catch a serial killer. Loosely based on real events.  

Main draws: David Fincher directed. Solid premise. Solid production design, casting and acting.

Main problems: Incoherent characters

Would try picking up again: Maybe yes. It was the most promising of the mediocre stuff.

Rating: 3

 

Badass costume, underwhelming series.

Moon Knight (2022)

Seasons: 1

Watched: Two-and-a-half episodes

Elevator pitch: The Egyptian gods exist and have their own mortal champions who are imbued with superpowers in order to defend their god's interests. One of these is our protagonist, who is also a schezophrenic. The series dips its toe into the horror genre, Disney-PG13-style. 

Main draws: Oscar Isaac. A genre switch.

Main problems: The dialogue is extremely silly. The story is pretty generic. The characters are bland. The internal logic is haphazard. The promised horror angle proves to be a major copout.

Would try picking up again: Moon Knight has the dubious claim to fame to be the series that broke the camel's back for me. I'm sorry. I watched Falcon and the Winter Soldier, WandaVision, Loki. Every one was at best mediocre. 

Rating: 2

 

A tale of two Russels.

Monarch - Legacy of Monsters (2023-present)

Seasons: 1

Watched: About 50 minutes of the pilot

Elevator pitch: Set after the 2014 Godzilla movie, this series answers the extremely pressing question of what Monarch, the secret agency that knew about the monsters, was up to.

Main draws: Kurt and Wayne Russel. Some attempts at world building.

Main problems: Really bad plotting. Very boring. Ridiculous dialogue. Unbelievable characters. People doing shit just so that plot happens.

Would try picking up again: Nope.

Rating: 2

 

SJW coming for you.

Ms. Marvel (2022)

Seasons: 1

Watched: Four episodes

Elevator pitch: A Captain Marvel fangirl gets powers of her own, cosplaying her paragon. She gets involved in a plot that just so happens also to be tangled up with her roots in Pakistan, which she needs to explore while coming of age as a Muslim-American. 

Main draws: The background of the main character is interesting and at times well-executed ("Illumin-Aunties" gets me every time). Female protagonist. Some charming aspects and characters.

Main problems: Bland storyline. Too plot driven. There's not enough there to justify interest.

Would try picking up again: No.

Rating: 3

His face when he read the script.

Narcos (2015-2017)

Seasons: 3

Watched: One season and one episode

Elevator pitch: This is a mix of documentary and drama recreating the story of the first sixteen years of Pablo Escobars reign of narco terror, leaving the last bloody sixteen months for season 2 and the continuing story of the Columbian cartels for the afterthought of a "oh, that succesful, let's mine it"-decision in Netflix' corporate board.

Main draws: Pedro Pascal and Wagner Moura. Historical relevance.

Main problems: Gratuitous glorification of violence and toxic masculinty. Repetitive scenes of sex with sex workers, snorting coke and shooting people. Bland white main character.

Would try picking up again:

Rating: 3

Narcos: Mexico (2018-2021)

Seasons: 3

Watched: The first two episodes

Elevator pitch: The series chronicles the attempts of Latino law enforcement to catch some cartel criminals in Mexico. The rest of the formula, minus the flashy villain, is copied from "Narcos" (see above). 

Main draws: Some good actors. If you like "Narcos", you will like this one. 

Main problems: I didn't like "Narcos".

Would try picking up again: No.

Rating: 3

To boldly go where no bad dialogue let before.

Nautilus (2024)

Seasons: 1

Watched: The first twenty minutes.

Elevator pitch: The story of Captain Nemo and the Nautilus, reimagined for progressive 21th century audiences with a diverse cast and an anti-colonialist message. 

Main draws: The message.

Main problems: Really amateurish. Bad actors. Weird cuts and pacing. It's just not good. 

Would try picking up again: No.

Rating 1,5

A color palette pandering to liberal audiences, coming up!

Orange is the new Black (2013-2019)

Seasons: 7

Watched: Five seasons and two episodes

Elevator pitch: A young white women gets imprisoned for some drug-related offenses. She soon learns that being an inmate comes with giving up dignity and civil rights. The series chronicles the life in the underfunded system for both inmates and prison guards and criticizes the American prison system and industry. 

Main draws: Very topical. At times great humor. Some of the character relations work really well. The concept of dramedy was pretty unique at the time and often works.  

Main problems: Unfortunately, character relations, plot and dramedy doesn't always work. In the later seasons it becomes too much torture porn.

Would try picking up again: No.

Rating: 4 (earlier seasons), 3 (later seasons)

My name is Black. Orphan Black.

Orphan Black (2013-2015)

Seasons: 5

Watched: Most of season 1

Elevator pitch: A young woman finds out that she is a clone and that there are many other clones of herself out there. Every one of these clones had a markedly different life (the main protagonist, for lack of a better word, is a but punky) and character, and they're all played by the same actress. 

Main draws: The number of different characters is impressive. Tatiana Maslany generally manages to differentiate them very well, which is quite a feat. It's passable SciFi fare.

Main problems: The plot is a conspiracy plot, which means many dumb plot developments. The cloning aspect and meeting herself over and over again is weirdly underplayed.

Would try picking up again: No, because sad dumb plot developments don't interest me much.

Rating: 3

Outlander (2014-2024)

Seasons: 8

Watched: The pilot

Elevator pitch: A World War II nurse is transported back in time to 1743, where she falls in love with a rough highlander and gets involved in all kind of adventures, romantic or mundane. 

Main draws: Period pieces are always nice. Solid premise.

Main problems: It just didn't grab me.

Would try picking up again: I don't remember anything about this series, which isn't usually a sign I missed something.

Rating: 3

Pachinko (2022)

Seasons: 1

Watched: Two episodes

Elevator pitch: We follow the history of a Korean family from 1915 to the 1980s. Its fate is closely intertwines with that of Japan, first through the imperialist occupation of Korea, later through work and family relationships. 

Main draws: Unique, intereseting setting. Good performances. Clever crosscutting between the different timelines. 

Main problems: Some plot developments seem a bit generic. The characters didn't really engage me.

Would try picking up again: Yes

Rating: 4

Caesar and Ripley are making out.

Political Animals (2012)

Seasons: 1

Watched: The pilot

Elevator pitch: What if Hillary Clinton had divorces Bill Clinton and then pursued her own political career? This series posits, without ever admitting that it's based on the Clintons but it's fucking obvious, that this would have been the right move and makes Sigourney Weaver into the Secretary of State (huh). 

Main draws: Sigourney Weaver and Ciaran Hinds.  

Main problems: It's way too on-the-nose and full of political drama cliches.

Would try picking up again: No. If I want a pretentious reliving of the Clinton dynasty, I can rewatch "West Wing".

Rating: 3

Auditioning for "America's Next Topmodel", failing in the first round.

Pretty Little Liars (2010-2017)

Seasons: 7

Watched: The pilot

Elevator pitch: A group of five friends splits after one of them goes missing. After a year, they get mysterious messages from an anonymous person (cleverly nicknamed "A"), who seems to know almost every dirty secret about their lives and threatens to expose them. 

Main draws: A lot of gossip-y stuff?

Main problems: Complete unrealistic characters and settings. There are no real life problems at all. Everthing revolves around the plot.

Would try picking up again: Never.

Rating: 2

Going to break that prison so, so hard.

Prison Break (2005-2009, 2017)

Seasons: 5

Watched: Two seasons

Elevator pitch: A man thinks his brother got wrongfully convicted. He happens to be a prison architect and hides the plans for an elaborate plan in a full-body tattoo. Then he engineers his arrest and gets convicted in the same prison to spring his brother. The next steps of the plan are a bit hazy. 

Main draws: Suspenseful premise. Prison breaks are fun. The prison break works fine. 

Main problems: The prison break is only half the plot, the other is a conspiracy theory that's utterly absurd. Season 2 starts to seriously go off the rails with stupid side plots. It then goes on for three seasons.

Would try picking up again: No. This is actually the first series my wife and I stopped watching and also the first one in which I discovered the "dumb conspiracy plot" formula. I was young and innocent back then. 

Rating: 2

Trying to prove that every IP can be milked dry and failing.

Ratched (2020)

Seasons: 1

Watched: Three episodes

Elevator pitch: Are you dying to know what the origin story of Mildred Ratched, the sadistic nurse from "One flew over the cuckoos nest" is? No? Damn, you're out of luck, you're getting it anyway. 

Main draws: Sarah Paulson is in it.

Main problems: Has the worst clichees about 1950s asylums for the insane in them. Ratched is absolutely baffling as a character. Patting out its running time. Insulting to the audience's intelligence and taste.

Would try picking up again: If I was forced. 

Rating: 2

Dogging it out.

Reservation Dogs (2021-2023)

Seasons: 3

Watched: The first twenty minutes

Elevator pitch: In an Oklahoma reservation, a gang of Native youths passes its time with small-scale theft to which the authorities remain largely oblivious. They're getting sucked into the underworld of the reservation.

Main draws: Unique setting. Taika Waititi humor abounds.

Main problems: The humor didn't click for me. The characters didn't click for me.

Would try picking up again: Nah.

Rating: 2,5

He looks like he wants to flee and is threatened to act at gunpoint.

Resident Alien (2021-present)

Seasons: 3

Watched: Two episodes

Elevator pitch: After crash-landing on Earth, an alien sent to wipe out humanity kills and takes on the identity of a vacationing pathology physician. He is asked to do an autopsy on the town's doctor, who has died in unknown circumstances. He wrestles with the moral dilemma of his secret mission, while also dealing with a nine-year-old boy who can see his true appearance.

Main draws: Some gags land. The premise is kind of funny.

Main problems: Most gags don't land.

Would try picking up again: No.

Rating: 2,5

Let's totally waste a good premise and

Revolution (2012-2014)

Seasons: 2

Watched: The first ten minutes of the pilot

Elevator pitch: After the apocalypse, the survivor's organize in small hamlets and depend on black powder muskets for survival. A group led by Giancarlo Esposito oppresses the region. It's up to our main characters to find out how to bring the lights back on and start a, wouldn't you know it, revolution. 

Main draws: Seeing Giancarlo Esposito act really badly. The musket idea is cool.  

Main problems: Plot, acting, characters and dialogue are beyond bad. The production values are laughable; like "Jericho" (see above), this is one of the cleanest apocalypses I ever saw.

Would try picking up again: Hahahahahahahahahaha no.

Rating: 1,5 

Ben Stiller seems to be an important guy, but I have no clue why.

Severance (2022-present)

Seasons: 2

Watched: One season

Elevator pitch: What if you could sever your work self so that you don't have to experience the drudgery from work? How does your work-self experience a life that only consists of office drudgery? And are these two the same persons? And what on earth happens in this company?

Main draws: Very interesting premise. Great characters. Great acting. Engaging philosophical questions.

Main problems: The plot concerning itself with the conspiracy stuff going on in the company is weak compared to the character stuff. 

Would watch again: No, too much relies on the mystery of what's going on.

Rating: 3,5

Cool Britannia, a decade after Tony Blair.

Sherlock (2010-2017)

Seasons: 4

Watched: Two seasons and one episode

Elevator pitch: This modern re-imagening of the "Sherlock Holmes" novels take place in contemporary London. Sherlock is a compulsive sociopath, whereas Watson is actually getting a personality and is allowed to do stuff. 

Main draws: Benedict Cumberbatch and Martin Freeman rightfully became stars with this. Some asthetic choices are really great. Good incorporation of modern technology and circumstances in the old stories; this is how you do adaptations.

Main problems: The plot is heavily reliant on Sherlock arbitrarily deducting things and explaining them. The schtick with a "brillant" condescending Sherlock gets old fast and makes problems in later episodes. It's a good example of TV masquerading as intelligent (see also "The Big Bang Theory" below).

Would try picking up again: Nope. It's also something of a cultural artifact; there are a lot of shows who do everything better nowadays.

Rating: 3

Isn't this promising to be fun?

Six Feet Under (2001-2005)

Seasons: 5

Watched: Two episodes

Elevator pitch: On one level, the show is a conventional family drama, dealing with such issues as interpersonal relationships, dysfunction, infidelity, personal growth, and religion. At the same time, it is distinguished by its focus on the topic of death, which it explores on personal, religious, and philosophical levels. Each episode begins with a death that usually sets the thematic tone for each episode. The show also uses dark humor and surrealism throughout its seasons.

Main draws: Deep themes and food for thought. Intelligent characters, dialogues and plotting. 

Main problems: I don't remember any.

Would try picking up again: In theory, yes. I can't even remember why it didn't grab me initially, and since I needed three tries for "The Leftovers" as well, this one might be worth it?

Rating: 4

John Rhys-Davies, before he was a dwarf, was starring in a lot of shitty TV.

Sliders (1995-2000)

Seasons: 5

Watched: Two episodes (not in order)

Elevator pitch: Every episode, the characters "slide" into a parallel dimension that is cause for adventure, humor, suspense, horror or revelation, depending on what the topic of the week is. 

Main draws: The premise allows for a lot of different settings and genres and functions in the way of "Black Mirror" or "Outer Limits".

Main problems: It's really old, and back then, TV did neither have good writing nor any budget to speak off and what was meant to be consumed with at best half your brain in attention.

Would try picking up again: Nope.

Rating: 2

You never forget your first one!

Smallville (2001-2010)

Seasons: 10

Watched: Five seasons

Elevator pitch: This series tells the story of Superman's youth in Smallville, before he becomes the iconic defender of corny one-liners. A lot of different characters like Lex Luthor, Lana Lang etc. also get their backstories and feature prominently. 

Main draws: Back in the day, it was giving you stuff about superheroes, at least in theory.

Main problems: The theme song. Not much superhero stuff going on. Annoying teeny tropes. Incoherent character decisions driven mainly by the plot. The plot relying on people not knowing that doors exist. Tons of plot riding on the "no sex before marriage" rule. Them writing out the lone black character.

Would try picking up again: No, never. This was the first series my wife and I watched, and the first one telling a continguous story, but boy, it was bad then it for sure didn't age well.

Rating: 1,5

It's a BOLD new series. When you need to mention that explicitly, you have a problem.

Spartacus - Blood and Sand (2010-2013)

Seasons: 3, plus a prequel miniseries

Watched: The pilot

Elevator pitch: Retelling the story of Spartacus over three seasons, this series boldly lets go of the opportunity to develop a character deeper than Kirk Douglas' portrayal and instead opts for a lot of blood and sex. It's MATURE, you see! 

Main draws: It was the first attempt at the "blood and tits" genre.

Main problems: It's incredibly dumb. The CGI blood gets old pretty quick. Toxic masculinty abounds. It's ridiculously self-serious.

Would try picking up again: No, I'm not 15 anymore.

Rating: 1,5

People like mobster shows, so why not violent bikers?

Sons of Anarchy (2008-2014)

Seasons: 7

Watched: Six seasons

Elevator pitch: We follow the daily routine of a criminal biker gang as they shake down innocent people, fuck up their rivals, get into pointless conflicts among themselves, get laid and defend their honor, whatever exactly that's supposed to be. 

Main draws: Strong characters. Overall good performances. The plot is unrealistic, but internally coherent. Charlie Hunman.

Main problems: They keep Ron Pearlman's character around because he's popular, not because it makes sense. Clenched jaws proclaiming manly values doesn't support you over seven seasons. Violence is glorified. Toxic masculinity abounds.

Would try picking up again: No!

Rating: 3

Discovering how lame Star Trek can be.

Star Trek Discovery (2017-2024)

Seasons: 5

Watched: Nine episodes

Elevator pitch: The series begins around ten years before the events of Star Trek: The Original Series, when Commander Michael Burnham's recklessness starts a war between the United Federation of Planets and the Klingon Empire. She is court-martialed, demoted, and reassigned to the USS Discovery, which has a unique means of propulsion called the "Spore Drive". Lots of plots ensue. 

Main draws: I love myself some Jason Isaacs. It looks halfway decent for a "Star Trek" show. It has actual suspense in some of its plots (will wonders never cease).

Main problems: Still has a lot of problems that are endemic to "Star Trek" without any of the redeeming qualities. Starfleet just doesn't seem to have any institutional logic to it. 

Would try picking up again: No.

Rating: 2,5

No, not that Enterprise.

Star Trek Enterprise (2001-2005)

Seasons: 4

Watched: The pilot

Elevator pitch: Set in the 22nd century, a hundred years before the events of "The Original Series", it follows the adventures of the Enterprise, Earth's first starship capable of traveling at warp five, as it explores the galaxy and encounters various alien species.

Main draws: After the mixed receptions of "Voyager" and the different approach of "Deep Space Nine", this promised a return to old form.

Main problems: It failed to deliver on that promise. From today's standpoint, it's also unwatchable; bad CGI and the low budget before prestige TV make themselves known. The first season is "adventure of the week".

Would try picking up again: No.

Rating: 2

You don't want to see the upper decks.

Star Trek Lower Decks (2020-present)

Seasons: 5

Watched: Three episodes

Elevator pitch: Lower Decks focuses on one of Starfleet's least important starships, the USS Cerritos. Unlike previous Star Trek series, whose principal characters are typically starship captains or other senior officers, Lower Decks focuses on the missions and adventures of the "lower deckers", low-ranking officers with menial jobs, while the captain and other senior staff appear as supporting characters.

Main draws: Intriguing premise. Fun critique of the plot tropes and their likely consequences for everyone involved that are never discussed in the usual series. 

Main problems: It does the same thing as "Harley Quinn", but this format doesn't fit "Star Trek" all that well. The humor is just too crass.

Would try picking up again: No

Rating: 2,5

Weaponized nostalgia if there ever was one; Adrian Veit would be proud.

Stranger Things (2016-2023)

Seasons: 5

Watched: Two seasons and two episodes

Elevator pitch: In the 1980s, a group of four D&D-playing friends stumbles upon a secret government project, including a girl without memory but superpowers and a connection to the project. Mild horror ensues as the friends need to rescue one of their group from a parallel dimension and battle a monster. 

Main draws: Very charming group of characters. Great child actors. Winona Ryder being sufferable for once. In the beginning, all the 1980s and Spielberg nostalgia is really cool.

Main problems: The nostalgia gets just too much and grows stale as the show refuses to grow. Even worse, it regresses in season 3, making Hawkins into a caricature without any redeeming features and introducing really dumb plots.

Would try picking up again: No.

Rating: 3,5

A thunderstorm! How supernatural!

Supernatural (2005-2020)

Seasons: 15 (yes, fifteen)

Watched: One season

Elevator pitch: The series follows the two brothers as they hunt demons, ghosts, monsters, and other supernatural beings. They also need to uncover their family secrets and face off overarching enemies. 

Main draws: It's providing two good-looking male leads opportunities to solve "mystery of week"-style horror adventures, with very light horror. 

Main problems: It doesn't make much sense, the plot is incoherent, the characters shallow and the whole thing geared towards a demographic I don't belong to.

Would try picking up again: No, I'm not 15 anymore.

Rating: 2

I'm starting to think the round DC logo is an ill omen for these series.

Swamp Thing (2019)

Seasons: 1

Watched: The first fifteen minutes or so.

Elevator pitch: Abby Arcane returns home to Marais, Louisiana, to investigate a deadly swamp-borne virus, where she develops a bond with disgraced scientist Alec Holland. After Holland tragically dies, Abby discovers the mysteries of the swamp and that Holland might not be dead after all.

Main draws: Some people like the comic.  

Main problems: This series is so bad it was cancelled before all episodes were released, and that's saying something.

Would try picking up again: Are you mad? 

Rating: 1

 

One of these series that really should have been a movie.

Tehran (2021-present)

Seasons: 3

Watched: One season

Elevator pitch: A female Israeli agent infiltrated Iranian capital Teheran trying to fulfill a mission. Things go sideways, a high-ranking Iranian secret service official is on the hund and she needs to evacuate asap. Of course, she decides to fulfill the mission despite the circumstances. The families of everyone get involved.

Main draws: High level of suspense. Unique setting. Murky morality.

Main problems: Almost entirely plot driven. Reliant on very strange or even dumb decisions in order to generate drama. Throwing increasingly unlikely problems at the main character to keep the plot going.

Would try picking up again: In theory, yes, it wasn't bad. 

Rating: 3

 

The look she had on her face at the premiere.

The Arc (2023)

Seasons: 1

Watched: The first five minutes of the pilot

Elevator pitch: An ark space ship gets into trouble during its voyage, and the survivors face a host of challenges to overcome. 

Main draws: Very solid premise. 

Main problems: CGI that is worse than Babylon 5. One of the worst openings of any pilot I've seen. 

Would try picking up again: lol no

Rating: 1,5

 

I guess every network that didn't pick up this show is biting its ass.

The Big Bang Theory (2011-2019)

Seasons: 12

Watched: One season

Elevator pitch: A group of four nerds has to navigate normal life and try to get laid, made all the more difficult by their various lacks of any social skills. Their weird mannerisms and hobbies are made fun of. 

Main draws: It's a show that masquerades as "intelligent TV". Back in the day, some of these jokes were actually funny and not the pure clichees that they are today. 

Main problems: Toxic masculinty. Rampant sexism. Laughing about this characters, not with them. Insulting depictions all around.

Would try picking up again: I hate this fucking show, in case you didn't get that.

Rating: 1

You can't tell from the poster, but Jeremy Irons is in it.

The Borgias (2011-2013)

Seasons: 3

Watched: The first two episodes

Elevator pitch: The series is set in Renaissance-era Italy and follows the Borgia family in their scandalous ascension to the papacy. Mercilessly cruel and defiantly decadent, the Borgias use bribery, simony, intimidation and murder in their relentless quest for wealth and power that make them history's most infamous crime family. It stars Jeremy Irons as Pope Alexander VI. 

Main draws: Jeremy Irons in the main role. 

Main problems: It wants to be "Rome, but in Renaissance Italy this time" so bad that it's falling over its own feet.

Would try picking up again: No

Rating: 2,5

There is a real lack of entertaintment for adolescent boys with sexism and glorified violence, isn't there?

The Boys (2019-present)

Seasons: 4

Watched: Two seasons

Elevator pitch: The series is set in a universe where superpowered individuals, called Supes, are recognized as heroes by the general public and work for a powerful corporation known as Vought International that markets and monetizes them. Outside their heroic personas, most are arrogant, selfish, and corrupt. The series primarily focuses on two groups: the Seven, Vought's premier superhero team, and the Boys, vigilantes looking to bring down Vought and its corrupt superheroes.

Main draws: Homelander has his interesting aspects.

Main problems: "What if Superman was bad" isn't exactly a novel premise anymore. The main character is a disgrace to writing. Lots of toxic masculinity. Really bad messages. The whole plot of season 2 sucked. It's tonally incoherent.

Would try picking up again: I despise myself for watching as far as I did. I even did a podcast on it.

Rating: 2,5

Pictured: a very subtle metaphor

The Handmaid's Tale (2017-2023)

Seasons: 6

Watched: The first seven episodes

Elevator pitch: In a world where fertility rates have collapsed as a result of sexually transmitted diseases and environmental pollution, the totalitarian, theonomic government of Gilead establishes rule in the former United States in the aftermath of a civil war. Society is organized by power-hungry leaders along with a new, militarized, hierarchical regime of religious fanaticism and newly created social classes, in which women are brutally subjugated. By law, women in Gilead are forced to work in very limited roles, including some as natal slaves, and they are not allowed to own property, have careers, handle money, or read.

Main draws: Very topical. Great performances. Cool production design. 

Main problems: It was too much torture-porn for me.

Would try picking up again: I don't think so. I get the distinct feeling that it's very much a product of its time.

Rating: 3,5

Very hardy boys. Hard. And boys.

The Hardy Boys (2020-present)

Seasons: 3

Watched: The first 25 minutes of the pilot

Elevator pitch: The Hardy Boys lose their mum to an unknown assassin who had it for their hero-cop dad. Following the tragedy, they move into a rural town, which they quickly warm to. They make friends and solve crimes and mysteries. 

Main draws: Solid premise. Solid production design. Solid structure.

Main problems: Very on the nose. Dialogues that don't come from actual humans. 

Would try picking up again: No, nothing intrigued me. 

Rating: 3 

Look, it's The Weeknd! - Depending on when you read this, you go "Who?"

The Idol (2023)

Seasons: 1

Watched: The first 15 minutes of the pilot

Elevator pitch: The business of popstars and models is a harsh and ruthless one, full of unpleasant people, but isn't it glamurous and addictive? 

Main draws: The Weeknd. Glitzy production. People shouting at each other. Boobs. Taboos broken every five minutes or so. Topical. 

Main problems: I didn't see any reason watching it. 

Would try picking up again: If you give me reason maybe?

Rating: 2,5

The Morning Show (2019-present)

The Idol (2023)

Seasons: 1

Watched: The pilot

Elevator pitch: The host of a popular morning show is accused of a #MeToo scandal and let loose by his co-host live on air. Will the show be able to reinvent itself?

Main draws: The cast. Topical.

Main problems: Cursing and insults as a matter of course. I didn't see any reason watching it. 

Would try picking up again: If you give me reason maybe?

Rating: 3

"How could I write something more condescending than Toby Ziegler?"

The Newsroom (2012-2014)

Seasons: 3

Watched: One season and one episode

Elevator pitch: The series follows the news anchor of a CNN-standin who is very unpolitical and middle-of-the-road until a woman shows him his true potential and he becomes the most unsufferable person alive. Luckily, his superior are even worse, so he doesn't get fired, and his subordinates are also all unsufferable. 

Main draws: Witty writing by Aaron Sorkin. A strong lead performance by Jeff Daniels before he became boss of NASA. Topical themes.

Main problems: The writing is insufferable. The politics are really bad. This show has actually regressed over "West Wing", which is quite a feat. It's so sexist that you're baffled by it. The plotlines are ludicrous.

Would try picking up again: Fuck no. 

Rating: 2,5

I'll never understand how something can be exclusive to a streaming service if produced by the BBC and broadcasted before.

The Night Manager (2016)

Seasons: 1

Watched: One episode

Elevator pitch: A night manager gets sucked into an international conspiracy of arms dealers and intelligence agencies and becomes a wayward spy. 

Main draws: Tod Hiddleston plays the lead. Everything else is solid.

Main problems: There's nothing intriguing going on. Serves up every spy thriller cliche. The characters never become even remotely understandable or interesting.

Would try picking up again: At least it's short?

Rating: 3

 

Undeniably an old man. Another series that should've been a movie.

The Old Man (2022-present)

Seasons: 2

Watched: Once

Elevator pitch: An Ex-CIA-agent is haunted by his past deeds in Afghanistan. An old acquitance is out for revenge, and the whole thing is tied up with his family and his old best friend. They did mess with the wrong old man, though, as this one has a lot of juice left.

Main draws: The relationship between the old man and the slightly younger woman. Alia Shawkat's breakout performance. The two dogs. Great suspense especially in the first half.

Main problems: The two dogs just fall out the narrative completely. The characters are incredibly inconsistent. The story simply doesn't support the running time. The conspiracy stuff already gets batshit crazy in the first season.

Would try picking up again: No. The reviews for season 2 were not exactly glowing.

Rating: 3

 

 

I can't imagine any problem with cops flouting the law to preserve order.

The Shield (2002-2008)

Seasons: 7

Watched: One season

Elevator pitch: The series follows the activities of an experimental division of the Los Angeles Police Department set up in the fictional Farmington district ("the Farm") of Los Angeles, a district rife with gang-related violence, drug trafficking, and prostitution. Operating out of a converted church ("the Barn"), they work to maintain the peace in the district and reduce crime.

Main draws: I'm told it's very good. 

Main problems: I don't remember any of it besides that the main character gets raped at some point. Glorifying police violence.

Would try picking up again: I don't think so, you can't do this shit anymore with a clear conscience.

Rating: 3

Ruining American children since 1989.

The Simpsons (1989-present)

Seasons: 33

Watched: The first three seasons and a smittering of episodes over the years

Elevator pitch: The main characters are the Simpson family, who live in a fictional "Middle America" town of Springfield. Homer, the father, works as a safety inspector at the Springfield Nuclear Power Plant, a position at odds with his careless, buffoonish personality. He is married to Marge Bouvier, a stereotypical American housewife and mother. They have three children: Bart, a ten-year-old troublemaker and prankster; Lisa, a precocious eight-year-old activist; and Maggie, the baby of the family who rarely speaks, but communicates by sucking on a pacifier. Although the family is dysfunctional, many episodes examine their relationships and bonds with each other and they are often shown to care about one another. 

Main draws: The OG. Great humor that aged really well in most cases. Sharp and witty criticisisms of contemporary society. Strong characters. 

Main problems: Some jokes didn't age well. Occasional missteps or mediocre fare.

Would try picking up again: It's not a show that's really good for binging, analogous to "Futurama" (see above) which makes it difficult, not to mention there are freaking 33 seasons.

Rating: 4,5

Not a staircase to heaven, I can assure you.

The Staircase (2022)

Seasons: 1

Watched: The first episode.

Elevator pitch: After she is found dead at the bottom of a staircase in their home, Michael Peterson, a crime novelist, is accused of bludgeoning his wife Kathleen to death. As the investigation continues, the family is thrown into a tumultuous legal battle. Meanwhile, a French documentary team takes an interest in the story.

Main draws:  Prominent cast. Based on true events. 

Main problems: Boring as hell. Very cliched.

Would try picking up again: No.

Rating: 2,5

 

I would bet she was pretty before, but point taken.

The Summer I Turned Pretty (2022-present)

Seasons: 2

Watched: Season 1

Elevator pitch: A family has been visiting the same friendly family in their summer house every summer for over a decade, so the kids basically grew up together. This is the first summer in which puberty makes the youngest child attractive for the first time. Lots of teenage drama ensues.

Main draws: Authentic recreation of the teenage love experience. Overall good characters. Some unexpected yet well executed plot developments.

Main problems: Especially in the latter half of season 1 the plot zig-zags and runs wildly in place. The premise is quickly wearing itself out, so this might have been better served being a movie.

Would try picking up again: No

Rating: 3

 

 

"The Old Man", with lesser known actors and more Australia.

The Tourist (2022-present)

Seasons: 2

Watched: Once

Elevator pitch: A man gets driven off the road by a mysterious truck and loses his memory. Trying to find out who he is, it quickly becomes apparent a lot of people want him dead. A lot of surprises, reversals and action scenes ensue.

Main draws: It knows how to deliver surprises and plot twists. Solidly entertaining. Great Australian pastiche.

Main problems: The characters are very cardboard and one-note. It's very unsubtle. Think about it even a bit and it falls apart.

Would try picking up again: Nah, not good enough.

Rating: 3

It's the final seduction! Dadadadadaaaaa dadadidadada dadadadadaaaaaaa dadadida da di da

The Tudors (2007-2010)

Seasons: 4

Watched: Two seasons

Elevator pitch: Season 1 chronicles the period of Henry VIII's reign in which his effectiveness as king is tested by international conflicts and political intrigue in his own court. Cardinal Thomas Wolsey plays a major part, acting as Henry's trusted advisor. In season 2, Henry will do whatever it takes to marry Anne Boleyn, even defying Pope Paul III. 

Main draws: A lot of intrigue. Nice costumes. An attempt at strong female figures. Natalie Dormer. Sam Neill. 

Main problems: Sam Neill and Natalie Dormer are killed. It's very formulaic. Some incredibly hard to watch torture scenes.

Would try picking up again: No, after season 2 we called it quits because it told the same story over and over again.

Rating: 3

Trying to shelter from the script.

The Umbrella Academy (2019-present)

Seasons: 3

Watched: The first 21 minutes of the pilot.

Elevator pitch: A group of children, all born on the same day, are having superpowers. An eccentric British billionaire adopted them and tried to train them in the titular Umbrella Academy, largely failing. The story begins when said billionaire died, under suspicious circumstances, and forces a reunion of the estranged "siblings".

Main draws: Solid premise.

Main problems: Bad dialigoue. Mediocre production values (the editing especially is incredibly bland). Wonky CGI.

Would try picking up again: As I stated before, there's a lot competition in the "mediocre superhero story" field.

Rating: 2,5

Unfortunately, the title doesn't refer to the rating.

The Undoing (2020)

Seasons: 1

Watched: Three episodes (of six)

Elevator pitch: A rich couple gets suspected of being involved in a murder. We see their life falling apart and their attempts at rescuing said life and their son especially. 

Main draws: Solid production values and cast.

Main problems: Cliched story construction. Nothing interesting going on. I can't for the life of me sympathize with incredibly rich people losing access to elite social circles. Boring.

Would try picking up again: Nope.

Rating: 2,5

It was downhill from this shot.

The Walking Dead (2010-2022)

Seasons: 11

Watched: Six seasons

Elevator pitch: A zombie apocalpyse happened. We follow THIS GROUP of survivors as they try to make it from plot point to plot point. The composition of THIS GROUP changes, as well as the way they're talking about making decisions. THIS GROUP is very important, the outside world is not. 

Main draws: Great make-up for the zombies. It was very novel and hyped when it came out. A lot of breakout performances (not necessarily good, but memorable). Some interesting settings.  

Main problems: Very rocky quality level in between and during seasons. The zombies change in danger as the plot demands without rhyme or rhythm. Shit happens because the plot demands it. The violence and nihilism is geared up the longer the series runs. It's basically fascist propaganda.

Would try picking up again: Hell no.

Rating: 3

I know Henry Cavill is a huge fan, and I feel a bit sorry for him.

The Witcher (2019-present)

Seasons: 4

Watched: Two episodes

Elevator pitch: In a fantasy world, the Witchers hunt monsters for coin, providing a vital community service. Nevertheless, they are shunned outcasts. At the same time, some witches are up to no good, evil forces are plotting and our stoic loner must open himself to the world at large. 

Main draws: The source material. It's fantasy on TV, and we didn't yet have "House of the Dragon" and "Rings of Power". 

Main problems: Very confusing timeline. Really bad dialogue and writing in general. Very cliched badassery.

Would try picking up again: No. 

Rating: 2,5

 

Team Generic is on it!

Titans (2018-2032)

Seasons: 4

Watched: Two episodes

Elevator pitch: Teenage heroes in the DC universe get on it. A lot of teenage drama is ensuing, interspersed with superhero action and a conspiracy plot.  

Main draws: You might like DC?

Main problems: Incredibly lazy writing. Stupid plots. Bad characters. Mediocre acting. Mediocre production design. Bad pacing. Totally incoherent. 

Would try picking up again: No fucking way. 

Rating: 1,5

 

Just the cover you'd expect from a series ostensibly about cops.

Too old to die young (2019)

Seasons: 1

Watched: Two episodes

Elevator pitch: A bad cop, the heir to a Mexican drug cartel, his long-lost half-brother and some weird-ass shit come together in a series that's all about veeeeeery slow lateral shots and color contrasts-

Main draws: Very weird characters and performances.

Main problems: "It's an acquired taste", to quote Sean T. Collins.

Would try picking up again: Maybe.

Rating: 4,5

This is the CGI quality of the show: a big blob.

Tribes of Europa (2021)

Seasons: 1

Watched: About 15 minutes of the pilot

Elevator pitch: Set in 2074, three siblings set out to change the fate of Europe after a global catastrophe causes the continent to fracture into dystopian warring tribal microstates who vie for dominance over other states. The siblings get caught up in the conflict when they come into possession of a mysterious cube.

Main draws: There are none. 

Main problems: I've never seen such bad acting. The costumes are extremely bad. The CGI is absolutely laughable. The writing is bad. This is the worst professionally produced series I've ever seen, period.

Would try picking up again: I'd rather think about poking my eyeballs out. 

Rating: 1

Hm, yummy IP.

True Blood (2008-2014)

Seasons: 7

Watched: Five seasons

Elevator pitch: Vampires exist, and they decided to make themselves known to the world. They now consume an artificial blood alternative called "True Blood" and don't kill anymore (at least officially), but the vampire community is divided about that. Soon it becomes clear that other magic users are out there as well, and that our protagonist belongs to them. A lot of plot ensues. 

Main draws: Back then, it was pretty great; there was less competition than today. Good actors. In the beginning, the setting was interesting to explore.

Main problems: As the show progresses, the plots become more and more convoluted and the characters just act according the whims. By season 5, everyone is a secret wizard, werewolf, fairie and whatnot.

Would try picking up again: Nope. 

Rating: 3

I just bit on a lemon to avoid talking about the show.

Veep (2012-2019)

Seasons: 7

Watched: Three episodes

Elevator pitch: The series follows the life of the titular vice president, who faces scandals and political crisis, none of which are in any way imporant. The show highlights the absurdity of politics and revels in the nihilistic approach to said absurdity. 

Main draws: The humor is sharp and closely rooted in reality. 

Main problems: I just can't stand nihilism about democratic politics. The jokes and characters aren't my cup of tea.

Would try picking up again: No.

Rating: 2,5

 

There's a lot of red involved, because Mars.

The War of the Worlds (2019)

Seasons: 1

Watched: Two episodes (of three)

Elevator pitch: A reimagining of Welles' "War of the Worlds" updates the story slightly from Victorian to Edwardian England. Our main characters are a scientist and his wife who get seperated in the attack. A parallel plotline deals with the fallout from the war in the future. 

Main draws: The setting. 

Main problems: The characters are completely unbelievable and anachronistic. They act stupidly to serve a bland plot.

Would try picking up again: No.

Rating: 2

Another contender who lost the game of thrones.

Westworld (2016-2022)

Seasons: 4

Watched: One season

Elevator pitch: In the future, a theme park is filled with sentient robots who get killed and raped for the pleasure of well-paying guests. Nothing bad can ever come of this. 

Main draws: Anthony Hopkins. Ed Harris. Clever structure of season 1. Halfway decent approach to the usual questions of what makes us human and how robots fit in.

Main problems: No interesting answer to the usual questions. Very plot driven, becoming a mystery box show quickly. Has been cancelled.

Would try picking up again: No

Rating: 3

The unique premise of this show: there was a zombie apocalypse

Z Nation (2014-2018)

Seasons: 5

Watched: The first 15 minutes

Elevator pitch: Z Nation begins three years into a zombie apocalypse caused by a virus that has already killed most humans. In the days just before society fell apart, Murphy was one of three inmates who were unwilling participants in a government-approved experiment. Each inmate was given a different test vaccine. Murphy was the only one to survive the vaccine injection. He is the only known survivor of a zombie bite who did not turn into a zombie, and his blood contains antibodies that are humankind's last and best hope for a vaccine

Main draws: None

Main problems: Cliched. Uninteresting. Dumb plot.

Would try picking up again: No.

Rating: 1,5

 

Has CGI gotten far enough to pull this off?

Zoo (2015-2017)

Seasons: 3

Watched: Two episodes

Elevator pitch: All the animals of the world have collectively decided they have enough of humans destroying the planets and strike back, carrying out guerilla attacks murdering humans. Our main cast of zoologists and adjacent professions needs to solve the crisis. 

Main draws: The premise is batshit crazy and done with great earnestness.

Main problems: It just didn't catch me for some reason.

Would try picking up again: I don't think it's for me.

Rating: 2,5